unkaglen:

jkhayz asked: Hey Unka Glen. I love your dating advice, so I’ve got a question of my own. I struggle from this disease. It’s called Chronic Little Sister Syndrome (CLSS for short). I’m a senior in high school and a pretty easy going person, but I’ve never dated. I’m really involved in the 20 somethings group at my church, and I’ve gotten really close with a lot of these guys, even “talked” to some. But then they end up seeing me as a little sis. This happens with most guys I know. How do I stop it?

m0eseph asked: Unka Glen! I saw your recent post about relationships, and how men should treat women when dating. But I would also like to know, what can I do to be the perfect gentlelady as he is being a gentleman to me? Certainly men don’t have to do ALL the romancing, do they?

Unka Glen answered: Two great questions, from two awesome gals, on what is proper for a young Christian lady to do, in the beginning stages of a relationship with a man. There are two schools of thought on this question. The first is that women should never ever do anything of any kind under any circumstances in pursuit of a man, and the second school of thought is the sane one. 

Obviously it’s wrong for you to step to a strange guy, and tell him “I want to lick Nutella off of every inch of your body, and then get really freaky”. But, as you’ve learned, by going to the other extreme, men just won’t think of you in a romantic way. But there are TONS of room in between those extremes.

Do I think you need to stick to the modest end of that scale? Yes, actually I do. So where does that leave us on being romantic towards a man?

STEP ONE: Make a man feel like a man. You know how it feels when a guy does something that makes you feel good about yourself as a woman? Well, it works the same way with guys. If a guy says, “that blouse really brings out the color in your eyes. You have pretty eyes”, that’s a really nice thing to hear. So you could say, “that shirt really makes your shoulders look nice, you have really nice shoulders.”

This is pretty innocent stuff, but if you give him a nice smile when you say it, he’ll begin to get the hint. Christian relationships are about serving each other, and lifting each other up. Giving feedback and encouragement. So why not learn how to make a man feel better about himself?

STEP TWO: Show passion. Every romantic comedy I’ve seen in the past 10 years has been: man (or multiple men) fall for woman, and the woman is JUST NOT SURE, for the whole movie, and the last scene is… okay I’ll take you. Think of a romantic comedy for which this isn’t true. It’ll take you awhile. In the real world, uncertain people don’t belong in relationships. We all want to be with someone who openly wants us back.

Men have a very tough time figuring out what women think, and what they want, and how to please them. If you repress yourself, we’re all lost here. If a guy asks you out, don’t be cool. Don’t say “okay”. Say, “I’d love to!” If you wouldn’t love to, tell him no. If you know what would make you happy, why not say so? “Can we go to that new diner on main street? I’d love to try that place out!” You’ve just saved a very clueless dude a LOT of agony. 

If you want to see a certain movie, or go on a picnic (and I think we both know you do), just say so. A Godly man truly wants to please you, even if it’s something “girly”, so any info you can give him on that will be a major relief. Men like the feeling of succeeding at being romantic with you, so you can be romantic with him by telling him that it’s working.

STEP THREE: Be nurturing. Let’s say this guy is heading out to take a big test. When he walks out to see a plate of cookies and a note with an encouraging verse, that guy will feel like he can do anything. Sometimes having a little backup can make all the difference in life. I did prison ministry before I was married, and I’ve done it as a married man, and the difference is immense.

Being in a Christian relationship is about working to build a team that can do more together than each of us could do separately. So doing your half of that, and showing how powerful that can be, it gets a guy thinking about waking up to fresh baked cookies on every rough day of his life, and that sure does change things.